Except it doesn't.
Here is what today looked like:
- 11:30pm the night before: Ryan came home from work early. I am madly printing out worksheets for the next day's lessons.
- 12:00pm: Go in and comfort Moo whose asthma is acting up so badly she barfed.
- ... I didn't even look at the time...: comfort her again, and again, and again. Nothing I can do besides shove an inhaler in her face and tell her to breathe it iiiiINNNNN! Good job.
- 5:45am: Ryan woke me up to find my phone because he hears it buzzing up a storm WHERE IS THAT THING. WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. I try to point back at his pillow, in an attempt to american sign language him (yea, I made it into a verb) to GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP. He has refused all attempts to learn sign language with us. My effort fails. However, I know it is one of my besties is texting me all about her devotions and just wants to share. (I welcome this because normally, I sleep through it and it's nice to wake up to GOD on my phone. IN MY FACE.) I also know that if Ryan doesn't understand it 100% he does not let things go. So I find my phone, making a mental note to take her off the list of "people who can reach me while my phone is in sleep mode." Sigh.
- 6:45am: Ryan waking me up again to tell me he loves me and he's on his way up to a city THREE HOURS AWAY for a court hearing because he arrested some guy on probation THREE HOURS AWAY. I love him, but I also love sleep. Sometimes, if I am being honest, it's a reaaaaal toss up between the two.
- 8:15am: I hear a kazoo being played loudly in my living room. LOUDLY.
- 8:30am: I hear a soft, gentle SLAM as my little angels come in and ask if we may eat cookies for breakfast. I lie to their faces and tell them I am getting up to make breakfast. I know it is a lie. They know it is a lie. We are all aware that mom is a failure.
- 8:45am: I decide I am a genius, because I am SURE that I remember seeing something that Ryan had stashed from a camping trip. I call Aayla in and ask her if she remembers how to start the teapot on the stove-top. She confirms that she does. I remind her NOT TO TOUCH THE HOT STOVE-TOP, but to fill the tea pot and turn the knob on the right-back burner to five. We discuss the differences between left and right, and back and front. Math Lesson #1 done. Home-economics Lesson #1 complete.
- 8:I do not know because I was trying to keep my eyes closed: The teapot whistles and mayhem erupts from the kitchen. Does this not happen at your house when the teapot whistles? I instruct them all to pick out their flavor of... instant oatmeal. Genius. They are to then add it to their bowls. Aayla crosses her heart that she is skilled enough to measure out one cup of boiling water and pour it in each bowl. "I can do it, Mom. I PROMISE. You just relax!" Did I tell you she is obsessed with cooking? No? Well, she is. She adds things to my grocery list too, without me knowing it, so she can make recipes that she sees and wants to try. Well, add instant oatmeal to her resume.
- 9:00am: I lay there thinking about what a failure I am because I was supposed to be mending the habits in my head and using "waking up" as my new trigger to go exercise. However, Ryan is gone. One must not leave their children unattended while they go run their mad hearts out at the gym. THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. Failure #2. I can't take any more failures. Not with all the weeping and gnashing of teeth that has been going on lately. Nor with all the web searches on "Homeschooling my kid won't stop crying." that have turned up helpful articles with titles such as "When Homeschooling is Failing" and so on. I can't take these cold temperatures. Nor all the screaming about things being left out and "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE IN A TRASH PILE" and other helpful things said at a loud volumes at intervals that feel about 5 minutes apart. I can't do it, but I have to. I can't do another day solo parenting, it's already been seven and I have about five to go. Focus. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE. (I said it.) I shouted from my bed, "Are you all dressed?? Are you done eating yet??" "yea! can we play?!" "NO!"
- 9:45am: I rushed them through the rest of the get-out-the-door-rituals and we drove to the library 5 minutes from us. Closed till noon. I put in our latin CD on repeat about 5 times. Then switch to our history CD. Then have the kids narrate back to me what the story was about.
- 10:05am: We pulled into the parking lot of the library that is 20 minutes away. Full. Not one single parking space.
- 10:30am: We pulled into the parking lot of the library that is even further away, one which we have never been to. I threaten them, "this is a SCHOOL DAY. We are doing this so that we can DO SCHOOL *NOT* at OUR HOUSE. If you complain, we will go do school AT OUR HOUSE."
- 11:15am: After getting all the wiggles out, exploring the new library, etc. We finally sit down to DO SCHOOL. Please, note the time. It was nice impressing you while it lasted.
- History coloring page while they told me about the story we "read" in the car.
- History/Geography map page of where Rome is, where the Etruscan territory was. Discussing what a peninsula is and how it compares to an island.
- Sent Moo off for a break.
- Spelling page. Wrote out the spelling words three times each and talked about the spelling rules that were being utilized. Skipped the books work for today.
- Latin review worksheets. Called Moo back over to finish her spelling.
- Moo did her math: we read a book about subtraction and then she completed her pages.
- 1:30 pm: Wrapped it up, drove to Meijer to buy some groceries, a salad for me, and subs for the kids.
- 2:15pm: Drove back to the library.
- Read our sweet book about Heroes, monsters, and gods of the Greek culture.
- Took a break.
- Busted out the math books, kicking myself for not having them do it all FIRST. She ALMOST started crying and yelling, buuuut looked over and there was a boy that may have been a year older than her sitting there. She gulped, and doubled-down her mind and kicked it out for the rest of her lesson. Score one for peer pressure.
- I did a phonics lesson with Asher and a handwriting line or two.
- 4:55pm Looked at her disgustingly infected finger, from biting her nails and the skin around it, and decided I should call the doctor to have it checked tomorrow. Made it. Secured and appointment.
- 5:10pm Lied to the children and told them the library is closing. They didn't want to leave, but they for SURE didn't want to get locked in the library. They've seen Night at the Museum. There were a lot of stuffed animals on top of the bookshelves.
- 5:15pm Drove to Ryan's workplace in hopes of seeing the elusive creature for a hug and kiss. Fighting ensues.
- 5:35pm Daddy shows up, we give him oreos. He gives us kisses.
- 5:37pm We drive back to our town. Where I realize we have books we actually need to pick up at the local library.
- 6:15pm We have picked up our books, but as we are walking out of our library, I see the displays showing how they would like to put an addition on the library. I could cry, that makes me so happy.
- 6:20pm We grab a quick dinner but then I realize I want to show my kids how the bats swarm above a barn that I had noticed the day before. So we sat in a driveway, just watching how God made bats.
- 6:45pm We are home. Laying out clothes for tomorrow. Laying out schoolwork. Picking up the clothes they just took off their bodies and threw around the house.
- 7:00pm They ask if they can have a movie night. I do not want to fight them, so I say yes. I pick Kidnapped, since we have just finished the audio book. The kids understand nothing. There is great discussion throughout the entire movie. I give up and just start interpreting for the rest of the movie.
- 9:00pm It ends. Acey tells me it was a horrible movie and she will not sleep. I asked, confused, which part was so scary? "Mom! the part where the little boy was screaming and the bad sailor murdered him!" ohhhhh yea. That part. Yea, I can see that. Sigh. Fail.
See? My day both starts and ends with failure. But we'll do it all again tomorrow! And here we are at 11:45, finishing up printing out and gathering our school stuff for tomorrow. Lunches are packed so we don't have to run to Meijer. There is a doctor appointment at 9. So at least I will be out of bed at a more acceptable hour. I hate asthma.
And for the record. The kids are done with their language/writing curriculum books, so we start up again with writing when we get back from vacation. We didn't get to our anatomy books today... because I just didn't have it in me. I needed to be done. Oh well. I LOVE our homeschoolplanner program which lets me just bump those few things to the next day and switch it all up if we need to.
I will not complain about winter. If you are hating the winter, you are just not doing it right. I will not complain about winter. I will not complain about winter.