I told myself I wouldn't text my realtor today to ask if she'd heard anything regarding our inspections yesterday. It was roughly the same exercise as telling myself not to... oh I don't know, breathe. I managed to not text her, but I drafted about four different texts at different times throughout the day and subsequently deleted them. This may be my all-consuming life... but it is her job. She is entitled to not working on weekends unless she has to. I am not entitled to hi-jack it with my selfish impatience.
But I really, really wanted to.
Before you judge me for my childish impatience: Shut it. My own brain tells me all the reasons I should be patient and quit it... I don't need to ignore you too. It's hard to wait for something this monumental. This is pretty much the climax of so much hard work and planning--once we find out, we flip into "GET OUT" mode and start sailing through repairs, moving, closing... until the NEXT PHASE begins. If negotiations fall through during this inspection process then we have to relist, rewait, replan. Could we? Yes. Will I be okay? Absolutely... but it's so close. So close, I can taste it.
Especially since this was our backyard as I was clearing out of the house for the inspection appointment:
Today I tried to not be idle. We stayed at my parent's last night (Ry worked). I hoped to do soap this weekend to take my mind off it, but the essential oils didn't make it to my house in time. Soon? Instead, I brought all my laundry--all 12 loads of it!!--and finished it. A perk of living with them for the next few months will be the huge washer & dryer. I was able to fit what would have been 12 loads at my house into her washer and dryer in just 7 loads. I brought my bills and got them all taken care of for the next month. I talked to my brother-in-law who is a licensed plumber and he has agreed to do the water heater if need be. I dug up my licensed electrician cousin's number, but am waiting to hear what they request for inspections. Trying to wait, anyway. I updated our "big dream spreadsheet" to show the most current numbers... and added in the estimated cost for the water heater. I think we will probably still be sitting pretty with the bottom line if we fix the electrical and hot water heater. Hoping we'll be able to have them cover some of it too. We shall see...
I was also able to walk with my sister in order to hopefully send her into labor. She's 38 weeks along and has been told she won't be allowed to make it past 39 weeks since her baby is so big. I sneaked a picture and I think I'm hilarious. Think she'll find it on here?
It was about 35 degrees out, windy and rainy--her only option for a coat was my dad's huge coat. I kept looking over at her and laughing. It couldn't be helped. We walked about 2 miles while she was contracting regularly. She never quite made it into official let's-go-to-the-hospital labor. She was checking in with her husband on her phone in this picture. Aren't her boots ridiculous? haha I love her. We went for pedicures and raspberry tea--since it's supposed to be good for uterine health...and therefore will trigger labor? Who knows. All I know is that I needed that walk and talk. I need my sisters. Thankful for them.
Anxiety is not just an, "oh just think about something else" type of thing. It is a physical response in my body. I obviously have some control over it, but it is really hard to be gracious to people when they jump on the advice bandwagon regarding my anxiety.
And I am feeling a lot of anxiety.