Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Equal and Opposite Reactions

When I have a few busy days in a row, I can work my tail off and get it all done. When I have a few mentally busy days in a row, I can crank the gears in my head and make them work it all out.

And then?

And then I have days like yesterday and today. When I am grumpy, tired, and do nothing but sit. The harder I work, the harder I... sit? the next day or two. The rain doesn't help. I love the rain, but it certainly doesn't add to any feelings of productivity.

I've pushed the whole figure it out ahead of time thing, and we've gone as far as possible. Sadly, the wiring in this old house is astonishing crazy and if Rick was to do the stuff he could do... he says it will just be a domino effect of bad things. As it stands, Asher's bedroom light is no longer working. I assume it's not just a burned out bulb since it was working before Rick got up there. He just kept referring to it all as "<dramatic pause>... interesting." I haven't discussed this with Ryan yet, because I don't have a solution and he was given test materials yesterday for his Sergeants exam.

I go "all in" on things and I ride them out until I'm the last one off. Since I go all in, I fall hard when it doesn't work out. I have to say, even though I fully understand we aren't in any worse of a position than we were two weeks ago, I am struggling with being a little devastated and depressed that the wiring isn't taken care of. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that the last three nights I've gotten very little sleep because of the kids.

 I'm impatient. I'm disappointed. I'm feeling like I want to behave the way that my 3-year-old behaves when she doesn't get her way. I am struggling with feeling out of control.

The reality of the situation is this: We are in the beginning stages of this sale and we don't know what is next. Not knowing, not being in control is okay. God knows. He's got it. We are not any worse than we were a week ago with the results of the pending inspection. In fact, we are further ahead. The pergola is fixed. The bow in the wall is fixed--and we didn't even realize it could have been. There is less unknown. Instead of guessing what is wrong, we know what is wrong; the electrical, the hot water heater. We know that we've done everything possible to correct them cheaply beforehand. It is what it is.

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