Tuesday, July 26, 2011

One Year

So many things on my mind right now. In fast-forward:
  • camping was great even though we have named it "The Year of the Series of Unfortunate Events." We drove home on the spare tire which only cost us $10 for a repair... and somehow broke the emergency brake... which only cost us $400. O U C H.
  • Didn't want to sit around just missing my friends so we are having our first "friends-dinner-that-needs-an-official-name" event this Friday. Once every other month, a few families will get together for dinner and catching up. It will be amazing. Thanking my sister-in-law for the idea. I'm using it as a lifeline.
  • Acey has been going to Vacation Bible School the last few days. Tonight is the first time in MONTHS that the girl hasn't cried when she is left in a class. Progress.
  • Asher barfed on everyone in the nursery tonight. I feel bad... but I warned them. I am seriously considering a pin or sign of some sort that he can wear to nursery that says, "I barf. A lot."
  • Last week Moo had her Allergist appointment. The Allergist came up with a game plan. We had an Upper GI last week to rule out Acid Reflux. Ameira did FANTASTIC. She held still the entire 15 minutes that she was literally strapped to a board. She didn't cry until the last 30 seconds. She was amazing. I did want to slap the PA who very passively told me by telling Ameira that she was too old for a pacifier and that she needs to stop using it soon. Psh, whatever dude. She's 21 months old. She's potty trained. Shut your mouth and quit judging us. Ameira is amazing with or without a pacifier.
  • Alissa's baby girl is so stinking adorable. First time parents are also adorable. I envy that kind of time time and attention that can be lavished on such a precious gift. They are amazing parents.
What has been really consuming my mind? It has been a year. A whole year since my life was completely turned upside down and I had to face the hardest few months I have ever faced. I can't even begin to give it words, although my brain has been giving it a lot of time. I really thought Ryan and I were done. I really did. I am thankful it happened. I say that, and I am as serious as a heart attack. And that's pretty serious. Not so much because I enjoyed going through it--because it was hell--but more so because sometimes the sweetest moments of my salvation have come when I had no other choice but to obey God. Every breath seemed to be a chore.

I think in small movie clips. I almost wish I could make some sort of abstract art installation piece to convey my head. I imagine standing in a grassy meadow, blue sky, white clouds, birds chirping.... and in one split second a loud, stormy wall of dark water--taller than I can see--just travels across the field and swallows me. The second I close my eyes everything is quiet white noise. I am dry. I am standing steady. It didn't take the wall of water away from me, but I am safe. The closing my eyes would be me trusting the Lord and trying to obey no matter what. I was not lost. I was safe. It didn't matter what was going on around me. The Lord is good. A refuge in times of trouble. I'm not sure that whoever chose that verse as a Vacation Bible School verse last year for the 2-year-olds to memorize knew what kind of footing it would give me during such a tumultuous time in my life.

I remember. We are better for it. Marriage is hard. Obedience to the Lord is hard. Both are sweet. I am in love with my Savior. I am in love with my husband. I am in love with my babies.

Part of my post from last year:
I believe that the same God that parted the red sea, turned a stick into a snake, lit a bush on fire yet didn't let it burn, gave a barren woman a child that became a nation, created dinosaurs, and walked on water because he made it also cares for me.

If He can paint a spectacular sunset and sunrise every day from the beginning to the end of time he can paint a masterpiece from my life. He can take what is broken and repurpose it into something that is needed, loved, and cherished.

Great is His faithfulness.

I am needed. I am loved. I am cherished. Great is His faithfulness.

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