Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Wouldn't Change a Thing. I think.

Ry has had tickets planned to go home and visit a childhood friend since the week before Thanksgiving. The week of Thanksgiving is when we found out that they'd have to do surgery on my dad. I told Ry that I didn't want him to cancel his tickets to WA because then it would be harder to pretend that everything was going to be fine. For some reason I feel like if I'd have asked him to stay then it would be like asking him to stay because I knew that things would turn out poorly for my dad. So far, I do not regret my decision. Yes, it would have been nice to worry out loud to him and have him give me a few extra hugs and reassurance that God is in control. But really? The surgery is tomorrow morning. Having him here wouldn't have changed that. He left yesterday. He'd have been working anyway... or sleeping. So it doesn't really make a difference. My stomach would still be this clenched if he was here, I'm afraid. At least this way I know that he gets to be out there and relax, get great rest, and catch up with his friends and family without me tagging along and complicating things.

Last night my little Miss Moo had a terrible night. I literally did not sleep until 7am. We spent the night at my parent's house. Moo woke roughly every 20 minutes. It takes me FOREVER to fall asleep; especially when I'm trying not to worry. At 5:20 or something like that, I got upset because Moo and I were awake and then Ace woke up from a dream that she had peed the bed. She HADN'T peed the bed, but she was sobbing like she had. I packed up the girls and drove us all home. I fed the girls breakfast, changed Moo's diaper and took Ace to the bathroom. I gave them both milk and sent them to bed. They slept basically two hours and therefore so did I. I'm strangely fine today. I am also fully aware that tomorrow will be the day that it catches up to me. I'm thankful the girls will be with a sitter tomorrow for most of the day so that I can sit and crochet in the hospital waiting room.

I find myself letting out these huge sighs. Not because I'm trying to make a statement, but because I feel like it lets out stress.

God is good. I will wait.

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