I like to avoid stress. Its not because I don't want to talk about it with you; I just don't want to talk about it with myself. As much as I talk about it with myself is how much I'll talk about it with anyone around me. My dad is going in for a heart valve replacement, a triple bypass, and a stent. I think its a little more serious than I originally thought. I'm okay when I'm distracted (by, lets say, a two-year-old). I'm beside myself with worry when I'm not distracted. Verses keep popping into my head like the one that Ace memorized this summer during VBS "The Lord is good. A refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7. And 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you." And Psalm 46:10 "Be still (be weak, surrender) and know that I am God." My meditation for the last few days has been, "Its not time to worry, its just time to wait." If there really is a time for everything like God tells us in Ecclesiastes, then I can remind myself to backup and not mourn him just yet. He isn't gone. Its not time to worry. I'm supposed to be walking in faith. I'm supposed to be walking in obedience. I'm supposed to still my heart, worry, fears and know that God is a good God, take comfort in the fact that it will be as He has planned, and wait. Wait for the surgery on Thursday. Wait for the doctors to start the operation. Wait for news in the waiting room with my sisters and mom. Wait to see him. Wait for him to recover.
He doesn't promise that I will get the outcome that I want--my dad to come through surgery perfectly and live to see my last baby and preferably my babies have their babies. He does promise that He will care for me and that ultimately He will bring Himself glory--which should be what I want too.
Lord, prepare my heart to accept your will no matter what it is.
Another reason why 2010 has royally sucked.