Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Canned Tuna & Mayo

So I gave up pop almost a month ago. And then I had one. And then I gave up pop again. And then I had another. And then I gave up pop again. Etc, etc etc.

Then Jen called me a pansy. Psh.

I shouldn't just give things up like that all willy nilly. I need a plan. It can't just be like Micheal on The Office shouting, "I DECLARE.... BANKRUPTCY."

Part one of plan: consequences. Jen said I should shave my head if I had one--and that started negotiations. It ended with me running 5 miles if I had one and then began again when Ryan said that was class A stupid. "Fine, fine. So what do you suggest?" I said. He replied, "A canned tuna fish sandwich with mayo." Excuse me while I throw up. Good choice. I've stared at a cherry coke can three times now since making that deal two days ago. Each time I've imagined the tuna fish can and instantly found the will power to walk away. Mayo is just as nasty. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. You may like tuna... but its not even allowed in my house. I can smell it hours later and its so overwhelming to me that I can't stay. Ryan can eat all the tuna fish he likes... outside. My stomach starts rumbling just thinking about eating one.

Part two of plan: goal date. If I can make it to my (celebrated) birthday, Memorial Day Weekend, I drink that weekend. Then I'm thinking that I'll take the distance that I've gone, nine weeks, and do 1.5 times as long. thirteen and a half weeks. August 22. Whoa. That's a long time. We'll see after that. In the meantime I'll substitute with drinking more water and finding out what else can make me savor the moment but give a little more nourishment than pop. I don't think I'll mind drinking pop every once in a while, I just don't like being controlled by it. However, where can an addict safely draw the line? I'm a little nervous that the line will have to be drawn at "never."

In hindsight, I shouldn't have tried to quit cold turkey. It just made me really doubt that I could or even wanted to do it. I should have abstained for one day (go ahead, shake your head in disappointment at how addicted I am), followed by a drink. Then abstained two days, followed by a drink. Then doubling every successful increment. I'm so good at hindsight its ridiculous. It makes me want to drink pop again and start all over. Okay, okay, that was just an excuse. Addicts can justify anything.

In all seriousness, this is an eye opener for me about two things. One--I'm seriously addicted to the fizz and sugar--not the caffeine because half the time I'm opting for caffeine free. Two--how seriously do I take giving someone my word? If I say "I will .... " I should do it and not even think about how to get out of it. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. I have serious follow-through and integrity issues.


Marissa said...

That was interesting. I really liked the last paragraph. The insight you gained from that experience was very unexpected for me. Telling someone you will do things...what does that really mean to us. That was good.

I do that so often with Dennis. He challanges me a lot with different things and so often I say, "okay... I'll do this..." but I wonder how many times I have said that just to please him or get him to quit bugging me about something rather than really grasping the importance of the "I will"

Jen said...

i love this blog entry :) you're hilarious, by the way. i love that you have gone to justify things and then catch yourself. i justify waaaay to many things.

i agree with mriss - that's really cool you've ganed insight into how you need to follow thru when you tell someone you'll do something. that's convicting for us all.

go nancy pants!!