Okay, so maybe she isn't trying to drop a feeding. Bree thinks she has either bronchitis or RSV. Either way, its just a matter of time to get over it. Not so fun for someone other than the parent who also is tending to another infant. I'm really wishing there was someone to petition in order to skip ahead. I'm up for skipping straight to January 2011 but I'll settle for July 2010. Blegh.
Yesterday I woke up throwing up. I'm pretty sure that it had everything to do with not eating real food but still taking the narcotics. I was a bit delirious with pain and misery so I didn't think, "oh, then I need to eat something." Instead I took the smarter approach and decided not to take my pain medication. S M A R T. Lets just say that around 4pm Ryan figured out what I was doing and basically forced me (by saying, "Nancy. Take your medication. He's a brute, that one.) to take my medication. Praise the Lord for smarter, better halves. He then brought in the popsicles and told me to eat them to numb my throat. Once the pain medication kicked in and my throat was plenty numb I could think straight again. He had left for work by then. I decided if my body was screaming for real food, I should give it real food no matter how badly it hurt. I heated up about 4 forkfuls of my leftover burrito, cut it into the teensy-weensy-est size bites and then sucked on them until I could get them down. It was painful, but within an hour I felt so much better. Funny how that works huh?
Okay, so this is disgusting. I'm going to tell you now so you can skip the following paragraph. I'm one of those people who are absolutely disgusted by certain things having to do with the human body... but can't look away because they are disgustingly fascinating. Maybe you are too and that's why you're going to read this paragraph anyway. These tonsil scabs... are nasty. I looked in the mirror at them and every place my tonsils used to be is now covered by a thick, white... covering? I showed Ryan and he said its probably the most disgusting thing I've ever shown him... which surprises me, because I've shown him a lot of really gross stuff. We're married. I'm pretty confident he can't get rid of me. Part of the scab fell off last night. I spit it out and couldn't help looking at it. It just looks like thick snot. Gross huh? And that is how my body is healing itself. I thought the scabs would be more... scabby. Hard. brown. like what would be on your leg. And that freaked me out pre-surgery. I kept imagining how much it would hurt having those things scrape my throat with every swallow. Nope. God knew. So he made a disgusting white film; soft enough to not hurt anymore than necessary. There is a whole lot more in there so I'm going to be shedding these scabs for a while I would think. I'm not going to lie; I'm going to be grossed out every time one makes it into my spit bucket but I will most likely take a second look just to make myself disgusted. And yes. I do have a spit bucket. When it hurts to swallow this bad, I'm not going to be swallowing all willy nilly for the fun of it. It will be purposeful; like to get nourishment or medication. I draw the line there.
On a very, very hopeful note. Yesterday I realized that the only thing hurting on my body was my throat. All the achy feelings from the infection are gone. That is a big deal. I've felt week and achy, had headaches, and just not good in general... since NOVEMBER. I'm very confident that once this throat heals up I'm going to feel like myself again. hip, hip, hooray! Which makes me want to not wait to start the couch to 5k thing. I'm curious to know if its a good idea on this medication since it throws me dizzy at random moments, but if I'm just on the treadmill I can sit down real quick without too much injury, right? At least its something to look forward to. I found some exercises to help ward off anymore leg problems. My plan is to start the program and repeat each week. So instead of it taking 9 weeks, it'll take me 18 weeks. I was in the best shape of my life when I was running. I don't want to become fanatical about it. I don't even have a desire to run a marathon. I just want to run again and enjoy it like I used to. And... running inside on a treadmill takes me out of the eyesight of all men who might get a kick out of a certain body part that has always made me self-conscious to run in public.
And. Now for a non-tonsil-related bit. I have a pack of Sprite for this tonsil recovery. Ryan and I have agreed that until our budget is back on track, there will be no buying of pop or alcohol. Yep. You heard me. I was so distraught about giving up pop a while ago but I've been thinking about it ever since. Why do I feel like I need to hang on to it so hard? If I wanted to, could I give it up? I wouldn't want to say no to that... so now I'm going to give it a try. Ryan said its not fair because I can get pop at mom & dad's but there isn't a place that he can just stop over to get a beer... so I said that not only would I not buy pop... I would not drink pop. EVEN IF IT IS AVAILABLE. Yikes. It's going to get all kinds of boring up in here, folks. Milk and water. I'm not big on the flavored waters, or haven't been up to this point. They leave that fake sugar feeling in my mouth. If you're going to do sugar, let it be real sugar. :) Okay. So that's my new resolution. Hopefully the budget will whip itself back into shape soon. We'll readdress this situation at that point. I'm kind of hoping that my desire for pop will wear off by then, but I'm refusing to say "never again" just yet.