Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Like and Love

So there have been a few things that I was always so scared about when I thought ahead to having a baby. I had babysat for a couple with two kids--one 2-year-old and the other was about seven months old--the 2-year-old was naughty and the baby was so needy his face turned purple from screaming every time I set him down to do some required damage control for the 2-year-old. I added "baby you have to hold all the time" to my list of horror of all horrors. I also added "colicky baby" to my list for obvious reasons. We brought Ameira home from the hospital and she slept all day long. I was so relieved that we didn't have a colicky kid but started getting nervous that she slept all day. Within a few days she was still sleeping all day long but she started developing an awake time--11pm to about 1:30am. Before long, those awake times turned into screaming times. Ugh. Then she started to wake more often during the day, but those quickly turned into screaming times too. Ugh. Its hard to have two kids crying because they need you. On top of that, its hard to have mono and feel like a train wreck. Ameira stopped sleeping long stretches at night. She stopped going long stretches between feedings during the day too. She waits until right before its time to eat and then screams like a banchee. All of the sudden she starts passing gas like none other and then craps her pants rather loudly. It happens all at once. She will suddenly go from a clean diaper to one that is about to start leaking. They've also turned really liquidy. Another example of needing to check to poo for clues. Shut up. If you hate reading about poo, stop reading. The one good thing this time around (besides having a daughter that will one day be loads of fun) was that I was banking ounces upon ounces of milk for the freezer. Booyah.

I finally admitted to myself yesterday that while I love Ameira and would literally give my life for her, I'm not really enjoying her right now. I'm barely liking her. First step is admission. It felt unfair to call her colicky because I am fully aware it could be a lot worse. Playing the colicky card felt like the "end all" card that is reserved for babies from hell--which she is not and which I was and get sad listening to stories about. Okay, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and figure out what to do about it. So I did some searching online and my current theory is that since my milk supply is letting me feed her and then pump so much (12 ounces on average) she isn't getting the hind milk that has more calories. Most of those symptoms seem to match up; colic-like symptoms, gassy, fussy, frothy poos, etc. So it seems like a fit. I've made the first steps to decreasing my supply and today has been better. I'm rocking her with my foot in the bouncy seat while she sleeps after eating for literally 5 minutes... but that was after a 3 hour stretch between feedings. So cross your fingers and fold your hands that this is the start of better.

ugh. hopefully. I'm not a newborn person.

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