Its hot. I'm feeling fat. I'm feeling like my lady lumps have quadrupled in size with this pregnancy. (although in reality, I'm just back into my nursing bras. Booo for saggy boob bras.) I keep comforting myself with the thought that someday I will have a reduction. Someday even though it hasn't been planned any farther than "I want that." It just sucks when they get bigger and heavier and your belly gets bigger and starts protruding and then it gets super hot out... and GASP IN DISGUST... there seems to be a sweat pocket between the belly and the boobs. I will never be pregnant in the summer again. I think its a stupid, stupid idea.
We have an air conditioning unit that we got for free in 2007. It is still sitting in the garage because there really hasn't been time to put it in. Really. I totally agree with Ry's declaration. Therefore, we do not have a/c in our house yet. It was 90 yesterday despite the weather man's promise that the high would be 86. It is supposed to be 94 today. In Michigan that means humid, sticky, gross, and miserable. At least to me. We do not have a/c in the little beater car I drive around either. It was Ryan's car and when we were first married the air conditioning broke. We didn't have a lot of money and therefore none budgeted for fixing the car. Literally. We opted to do the $60 fix intead of the hundreds and thousands and millions of dollars it would have been to get the total fix. I remember thinking at the time that it was so self-sacrificing of him because I wouldn't be able to STAND it. And now its my car. And I have a baby. A baby that was sopping wet when we arrived in our good clothes at church for my sisters baby shower.
Yesterday was just a plain 'ol hard day, mostly because it was hot and I feel like I've got an extra 30 pounds to lug around already which makes me just plain old pissy. Ryan had signed up for a "lets go bust the gas stations for selling alcohol to minors" detail for a couple hours. I guess we hadn't really talked about what that actually would mean for the day. I had to go pick up wedding invitations from the printer, do a little mandatory (unfun) shopping, and then hit up the baby shower. I had planned on leaving Aayla with Ryan without ever vocalizing it. However, I figured out really fast once we started talking about it that it wouldn't be an option. And thats where I just started getting... overwhelmed. I feel awful for saying it because I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I really do have an awesome husband that pitches in when he can and is very involved in Aayla's life. Sometimes I just realize that Aayla can fit into his schedule but she IS my schedule. If it fits, he'll take her to run errands. I have to make my errands fit her. I had to bring the leash to keep her from running away while I (embarrasingly) flipped through every single printed invite to make sure that it wasn't smudged. (which paid off because there were a few that were not fit to be sent) I hate breaking out the leash, but seriously... It was either that or having her get into the candy display and suck on all the wrappers. I didn't realize they had candy displays at PRINT shops. Or, better yet, put her wet little fingers all over the paper for sale. Wet & paper do not mix. I brought her to the shower and didn't sit in the hour and a half time span for longer than 2 minutes, literally. I started about 20 conversations and they all ended mid thought/sentance because Aayla was either crawling under people's chairs and stealing their punch, licking their strawberry shortcake spoons, or trying to rip open some of the gifts. I found myself wishing I hadn't even come... or that I'd brought the leash inside. Did I mention I felt big already. I just wanted to sit. On the sweltering ride home I called Ry to see if he could take Aayla and put her to bed while I ran to the grocery store to grab a few things because I could feel a meltdown coming. He said, he'd love to but there was a guy coming to pick up the sailboat. Did I mention the meltdown coming on? I KNOW the realistic part of me should have been like, oh yea, no problem, we need to get rid of that big thing ASAP. Instead I start cussing in my head and wanting to punch him in the face for getting to make plans like meeting someone for something important without having to schedule in her bedtime or making sure she gets fed first and that there is a place to potty every twenty minutes.
You know what happened? The instant the guy left with the sailboat, Ryan rushed in and put Aayla to bed. He hugged her and kissed her, then hugged and kissed me. He helped tidy up the house. He installed the bedroom air conditioning unit. He told me to sit down and relax. He asked if he could get me anything. He told me that today he'd take Aayla with him to get a few things for our trip this weekend so I could go grocery shopping by myself. He told me he loved me. He told me that it'd be better tomorrow. And that, folks... is why my husband is so great. After an exhausting day of chasing Aayla and trying to be a productive citizen, when all I've done is gripe about him in my head... he shows me that he really is doing his part, that we really are a team, and that I'm really not alone in all this. If only I could remember that all the time.
Things I'm thankful for:
1. Air conditioning units even if it only cools the bedroom.
2. Ryan just the way he is.
3. Aayla wanting to read with me now and even chirping in with some of the words.
4. Shade and sprinklers.
5. Looking forward to fun things like camping.