Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Great Expectations.

Aayla going to bed at 6:15 pm... for the night... meant that I of course couldn't fall asleep until about 2:30. Bleh. I don't know whats with this insomnia type stuff. Its not like Ameira is huge or I'm so darn uncomfortable that I just can't sleep. I sleep awesome when I do sleep, and even in what could be considered a variation of on my stomach. I vaguely remember hearing some intense crying and I had a dream that I got up to help her... but I don't think I actually did. Then I remember hearing the water running and thinking that it was strange she got her door open. Then of course, Ryan came into bed. I think I made a motion like I was going to punch him in the face while I smiled. Its all one big blur. I'm going to have to confirm once he is up that she was crying because he woke her to feed her milk and not screaming when he got home. She was up for the day sometime before 8 because that's when I woke to hear her crying and banging on the windows. That's usually the next step after banging on the door. Oops. What will the neighbors think.

She is napping now and I'm so tired but just don't want to go take a nap just yet. I'm thinking about how fat I'm feeling. Yes, yes I know I know I'm pregnant and that I'm not supposed to diet and its normal/natural to feel huge. Like I've said before its the cup size issue as well as the belly size issue that gets me. If I was any less cheap I'd plan on doing formula just so my boobs could go back down ASAP. But I'm cheap and would feel like I was just being selfish, so I won't. I'm considering some exercise options:
  • Running--but would that flood me with all kinds of guilt about possibly causing some trouble for baby since I'm now about 23 weeks along? Are doctors just being overly cautious (which I usually find to be the case) when they say don't start any new exercise during pregnancy? I want to start the Couch-to-5k running program.. but maybe take it even slower than they are suggested because of my condition. However... running? how maybe bras would I have to wear to keep myself from all the bouncing? This issue paired with the whole stress fractures/tendinitis is what killed running for me in the past.
  • Biking--I at least want Ry to get my bike down today so I can start taking morning rides around the block with Aayla in the trailer. I think she would enjoy getting out regularly and I would benefit from it. Biking never really seems to have any visible results though, so maybe I do it wrong.
  • Prenatal Pilates--I am also thinking about leaving for my OB appointment early today to pick up a prenatal Pilates DVD from target. Maybe paired with the running I can get in shape (not trying to lose weight).
I've really only ever seen results from running or the elliptical. I dropped about 35 pounds after my one year away at college on the elliptical and was able to get back to my healthy range. Pilates gave me some super strong abs and strong arm/leg muscles... but obviously without the aerobic I still had a great layer of flab over top.

And this brings me back to the topic that I feel has been plaguing me for a while now: routine. It does not come naturally to me. I work so. darn. hard. to establish it and then maintain it. I feel like my life is screaming for it, so why is it so darn hard to just get into it? I can't tell if I'm fighting laziness or just my nature. I'm sure it just boils down to my motives for resisting. Scheduled people to me have always been boring. I've always looked at them and thought, man, relax and enjoy life, take it as it comes, be flexible. Now I'm looking at them thinking that their schedules actually provide freedom. Freedom to stop stressing about accomplishing it all... if its in your routine, it'll get done and you'll have time for play.

I'm going to keep track of Aayla's shenanigans this week and try to pin her down to her natural schedule. That will probably start with establishing a more consistent bedtime (none of this 6:15 crap... and a few less nights of 9:30pm sadly) for both her AND myself, and then establishing a consistent wake up time (boooo). Maybe the rest will fall into place. More great intentions.

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